Sex and the RSS exploded in my life when I was in 9th standard of school 1962. A compulsive mathematician Shiv Kumar, four years elder to took fancy for me in my neighbourhood in Kamla Nagar and adopted me as his understudy. He was an ardent follower of the RSS-Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, the parent Hindutava organization of the erstwhile Jan Sangh and its new avtar the BJP ( Bhartiya Janata Paty. It was founded by Keshav Baliram Hegdewar on the Vijayadashmi of 1925 to unite Hindus.
I don't know why Shiv took fancy for me. But he was trying some experiments. He used to say that our relationship was like that of Swami Vivekanand and his mentor Ramkrishan Paramhans in later 20th century. But unlike them he was not a ritualistic Hindu. He never talked about reviving Hindus or glorifying Maharana Pratap aud Shivaji. He introduced me to the RSS evening drill in the a nearby public parl. It was called a shakaha (branch). Kamla Nagar was a bania-dominated locality and that community was the captive constituency of the Jan Sangh and the RSS. In a way, it was fall-out of the partition of India and a natural apathy against Muslims. Though there was not even a single Muslin in Kamla Nagar.I am sure my grandfather must have opted to shift to Kamla Nagar because Chandni Chowk had a mixed population of Hindus and Muslims and the partition riots took place there as well.
I don't know why I liked going to the RSS shakha. It gave a sense of belonging unlike my classmates and playmates. I felt, I was doing something different. the shakha had physical exercises, indigenous games like kho-kho and kabaddi and handling a stick in a crisis situation. I had heard that at some later stage, sword-skills were also a part of the agenda. But we never reached to that stage.
This drill lasted for an hour every day ending with a prayer for the motherland. Its words were something like Namaste sada vatsale matabhume ( Salute to the ever loving motherland….) I didn't relate to any of the activities. I didn't understand why Hindus need to be united and against whom. Nevertheless I felt, there was nothing wrong in what was uttered. I had studied about Pratap and Lakshmi Bai and took them as heroes of Indian history. Pratap did fight aginst Muslims but Lakshmi took cudgles and laid down her life aginst the British. Subadhra Kumari Chaohan's famous poem Khoob ladi mardani wo to Jhansi wali raani thi, is a part of our folklore.
Shiv took me to the Indian coffee House opposite Kirori Mal College and I tasted coffee and dosa etc. We also went to see weekly newsreel and some documentaries films made by Films Division at Theatre Communication Building where Palika Bazar has been built now in Connaught Place. I came to know about Annapurna coffee house on janpath which is now in Chandralok Building bang opposite. But we never went to see a Bollywood film. Nor he encouraged pulp literature like Gulshan nanda. But I, on my own became a fan of Jasoosi Duniya, detectivethrillertr of Ibne Safi B.A and translated by Prem Prakash. Using BA after one's name was in vogue because, there were not many graduates around. Beloe Gauri Shankar Mandir opposite Red Fort there is one Kaviraj Harnam Das B.A. By the way I also became first B.A In my family in 1970 after failing thrice.
Shiv presented me collected works of Swami Vivekanand published by Ramkrishan Mission in Paharganj but couldn't go beyond a few pages. It was too verbose and pedantic. I met Shiv after many decades recently when he took me to his house and gifted me all the 32 volumes of Encyclopaedia. It is used as a make-shift table by my family to keep flower vases. But I have a single volume compendium which is my bedside reference book. I could see his affection for me had not diluted.
I was well aware of the political developments in the country courtesy my daily routine of reading Navbharat Ties and the radio news but I couldn't I could never connect the RSS to then Jan Sangh. I thought I was a part of the RSS but never of Jan Sangh. Shayama Prasad Mukherjee hadn't entered my who's who list. Vajpayee and Advani hadn't emerged on the national scene. Still Jawahar lal Nehru was the single political icon of the country.
Shiv took great pains to teach me maths. But it didn't work. That subject never made any sense to me. Shiv even requested his friends like Kulbhushan, his brother Ravindra, Mahendra Wahi etc. They all tried but I failed all of them. I somehow managed to score minimum pass maeks but not even one more. He once slapped me. I got scared of him. He wanted to test my endurance. I had accepted him in my life. I couldn't escape his total hold on me.
One day, he asked me to lower my khaki short. It was a part of my school uniform as well as RSS formal attaire ( ganvesh-the community dress code). I couldn't refuse. He touched me down there. I got a hard on. Then he lowered his short also. he always wore a khaki short at home. He asked me touch there. I couldn't say no. He also had a hard on. He compared the two and gave me a lng lecture against masturbation. He never tried to bugger me. Not even hinted at it. He was only counseling me about sexual abuses. He did this experiment for many days. After each meeting, I came home and shagged. By that time, I had discovered hardcore porn books by a fictious writer Mastram. It had crude explicit sexual encounters. It was quite exciting for my age. I used to pay a chavanni, 25 paise as aone-day-rental. I would hide these books, in the common staircase loft of my house.
In a way, his personality was over powering. I knew he liked me genuinely. Soon his family felt that there was something odd in this relationship. His elder brother Krishan Kumar who learnt Japanse, went there and brought a Japanese wife held a family court in their compound against my relationship with his younger brother. he was insinuating that there was something sexual between us. I was paranoid but Shiv held his fort. Our meetings got rduced but didn't end altogether. My family was also objecting. It was getting messy.
I was heading towards the end of my school education. Shiv played a big role in my studies but I couldn't improve and ended up with 375 marks out of 800 i.e 46.7 per cent. It is a different story that still I got admission in hansraj College in B.Sc General. It is called programme these days. I failed in the first year. Shiv and his friends like satpal worked hard on me and I got first division. Shiv asked me and I graduated to B.Sc. maths Hons. But I continued my indifference and dislike for thatr subject. I failed two more time before becoming a graduate. There as a small blessing called Hindi debate which got me a girl friend, profile and a career.
RSS remained in my life courtesy its sister organization ABVP ( Akhil Bhartiya Vidyarthi parishad). It was a part and parcel of Jan Sangh but we never felt ant pressure. My old association earned me a jt secretaryship of Delhi state. I organized many functions and floated Indo-Foreign Students Bureau to bring students of Indian,origion from Fiji and Trinidad in it and became a student leader of sorts.
RSS, ABVP became a part of history as I moved on in my life. Today, I am an apolitical journalist. An agnostic iconoclast.
No comments:
Post a Comment